1) The blonde Lagoon girl. You know which one. She is cute, but come on...when she drinks that can of Coke in slow motion... it kills me. She looks at the soda with such bewilderment and affection. As if this newfangled Coke stuff is some sort of epic, earth-shattering beverage that is so surprisingly delicious and refreshing it may possibly end world hunger and make your boobs grow at the same time. That expression on her face should be reserved for winning the lottery (or maybe running into Jon Hamm in an elevator). And have you heard the radio ads? The female voice (I have to picture the aforementioned blonde, hot poodle) has the most irritating, nonsensical use of intonation..I'm sure it's meant to be sexy but all I can hear is..."It's what dumb is"!
2) My non stop e-mails from "Mr. X". The subject line always reads...."My millionnaire friend wants to meet you...". Enough Mr. X! I have tried blocking you, and still you persist. Maybe, Mr. X., you should tell your wealthy, desperate friend about my ill-tempered husband, my three children and my PMS. Move on to another hapless, gold digger. This ship has sailed. Also, my SPAM filter is a miserable failure for letting you repeatedly into my life, and by that I mean my laptop.
3) The worst country song EVER. "Double XL". I heard it on the radio yesterday (thanks KOAL) and my mouth was hanging open from pure, offended shock. I'm pretty sure a grammy was not involved in the writing, producing, singing or performing of "Save a Horse, Ride a cowboy", but this song justifies a public hanging. It is vile and horrid. Some sample lyrics for those of you not lucky enough to have heard this catchy tune...
Well double XL, double XL. Dont call me on the phone just ring my dinner bell! Im a lean, mean, love machine that likes to be held, ooo brrrrr baby Im a double XL!
No! You are a juvenile, absurd, distasteful, repulsive, self-ingulgent, untalented, overpaid pig of a man who sings a song about having a big weenie. Ew... seriously country music? Sir Mix-a-Lot you are not!
6 comments:
My Mr. X sends me obscene emails that are apparently unblockable. Maybe he is really Mr. XL. Time for a new email.
I have never seen you so angry. It's kind of funny.
You sooo should write columns in newspapers... I really hate "Rockin the Beer Gut." But I haven't heard Double XL yet..
I haven't heard the song, but I googled the lyrics. My pure mind and heart couldn't tell that they were about wieners. Just a big dude. maybe if I heard the song I would get the wiener vibe but for now I'm worried about you.
wiener vibe?? Whaaat?!
That is an insane song.....I've got one for you, google "Rockin' the Beer Gut" by the Trailor Choir, it is crazy that a song like that can be on the radio...it's sad.....and a little tiny bit funny, but not too funny because I actually have a beer gut....but it's not from beer...it's sad.
ps. this is your cousin..Chris' wife, just in case you didn't know
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