Saturday, May 30, 2009

lets eat turkey in a big, brown shoe

In my extreme fatigue recently, I attempted to cook a turkey for dinner. I wanted to take a picture because it looked so delicious, OK I mean vulgar. The picture does not do it justice, it was truely awful and perverse looking. To achieve this kind of oven roasted turkey delight, repeat the following steps.

1) Put your turkey in the pan upside down.
2) Forget that your turkey is cooking, take your family out to dinner to ensure it cooks way too long and that the drippings all burn and adhere themselves to the pan.
3) Eventually remove the turkey from the oven (no specifics involved).
4) Do not acknowledge the fact that the cooked turkey is upside down and attempt to cut along the "breastbone" which won't work. Eventually, after enough attempts, the cooked meat will explode out of the bottom (which is the top) of the turkey onto the burnt pan.
5) Go to bed and leave the turkey to "marinate" in it's own nastiness until the next day.
6) Take a picture

Voila! You too can walk past this obscene, spread eagled mess of poultry in your own kitchen. You don't even need a convection oven.

my mind is in the gutter

Imagine my delight to open the mailbox and see this....

Apparently, Dave is now a professional bowler. Either that or he once went bowling in Helper on League Night on a fateful day last November. Whatever the reason, we are now subscribers to three magazines...."The Ensign", "Taste of Home" and "US Bowler". I don't know why seeing this bowling magazine in my home made me laugh so much. Maybe it was the idea that bowlers take themselves seriously enough to distribute a publication regarding their "sport". Maybe it was the cover story titled "Pain meds that work!". Look again, it's there. Evidently, there are a lot of injuries and opioid addicts in the bowling community. People in Carbon County take their bowling seriously - as much as hunting trophy game for head mounts, reusing coal belts in landscaping, burning your own trash and the PRCA rodeo. It seems we are finally starting to fit in.

Monday, May 11, 2009

the rachel was so 1995

I know my boys hair has been getting a little unruley as of late - but they look so cute as little, unkempt surfer boys (who don't surf). However, during a visit to Grandma's house this week, my mom offered to cut their hair and I accepted. After all, we had to cut it eventually and these hair cuts would be free! She did a good job - much better than I could have done, for sure! They looked cute! Eddie's hair was especially intersting to me...I couldn't stop looking at him! Don't mind the inside out PJ top - Jacob got dressed himself.

Eddie has a little bit of cheese sauce and snot in his mustache but it's a good shot of his new hairdo.

I got home from my Mom's house and Dave took one look at Eddie and said "Hello Dorothy Hamill"!

I knew something was strangely familiar about Eddie's hair! Turns out my mom was giving the same haircut back in 1978.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

happy mother's day

We just wanted to send our love to the following awesome ladies who love us and have mothered one or all of us with so much care at one time or another....

Grandma Great Pendleton (formerly known as the Gum Grandma, she adores the babies)

Grandma Great Bingham (also known as Grandma Grape, her smiles make us smile)

Grandma Nelson (never is out of candy or kisses)

Grandma Bingham (lets us sleep in her bed, spoils us and let us live with her)

Mommy Maggie (passed on her beauty and grace)

Mommy Jenny (passed on her wit and intelligence)

Aunt Lynette (always up for a fun time)

Aunt Lori (never out of nice things to say)

Aunt Beccy (the baby whisperer)

Aunt Richard (the best babysitter ever)

Aunt Amylin (she's giving Saren another cousin soon)

Soon to be Aunt Aubrie (she is marrying Joel...obviously a Saint)

Aunt Elaine (she makes us feel like royalty when we visit)

Aunt Merriann (always remembers our birthdays)

Aunt Sherri (will smother us with affection even when we don't ask)

Aunt Melissa (always fun)

Aunt Merrilyn (will spoil us with her riches)

Aunt Annie (we look forward to her visits way too much)

Favorite Aunt Liz ("you're killin' me")

We love you all and we can't imagine any parents and their little ones have had as much support, as much strength and as much warmth thrown their way as we have felt from all of you. We miss you all and wish you a Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, May 8, 2009

parking woes

This cracked me up today. And it reminded me of a funny afternoon I had 10 years ago with my friend, Sandy, from nursing school. We were leaving class, and she was giving me a ride to our clinical assignment for the day. We walked a bazillion miles to the economy parking lot. Sandy was absolutely livid to find a note on her car from another student who had backed into her car while parking. They left their name and phone number so they could reconcile the car damage with Sandy. My nice friend went off on a several minute tirade, very uncharacteristically, about idiots who hit other people and then cowardly leave a note, as if whatever previous engagement they had was too important to postpone while they waited for the other driver to confess their sin in person. I had never seen her so mad. I listened to her rant but she finally decided, unless we wanted to be late to clinicals (which was not OK), we would have to leave campus and call the aforementioned driving idiot as they were long gone. What other option did she really have? As we got in the car and Sandy started leaving the parking space, we heard a crunch. She had somehow put the car in reverse and had backed into the car behind her. She had done a good bit of damage with her little bump. I couldn't conceal my laughter while Sandy started writing her "idiot driver" note to the owner of the 3rd vehicle. It so trumped anything in the Alanis Morissette song. Just before she put her note on the windshield of the Civic she had trashed, I saw a symbolic lightbulb ding on top of Sandy's head. She crumpled up the note she had written and began fumbling through her car for her note. She placed the note "the idiot" had written, on the Civic she hit. It was a little ingenious. Sandy had a mangled car that she would have to fix herself and a guilty conscious and I had a good laugh. I miss my Sandy.

Friday, May 1, 2009

no thank you

What is the deal lately with all these washed up and/or retired sort-of famous people hosting vacations? Do I really want to be relaxing on the deck of a cruise ship in by bathing suit and open my eyes to see Dick Nourse strolling towards me? No, I do not!

I just got an e-mail advertisement for the Lavell Edwards Paris and the heart of Normandy Tour. What? Should this former BYU head football coach with a propensity for frowning make me think of vacationing in the French countryside? Is it because the French are also that the connection? I think it is a little bit of a stretch. When I have pictured myself strolling along the Champs Elysees, touring the Louve, and eating at some amazing French patisserie I was never accompanied by a tall, older stranger who wore a headset and yelled a lot.

It seems the good people from the travel industry could at least make some hosting assignments that make sense. Some suggestions I have...

David Hasselhoff''s tour of Southern California's trashiest beaches.
Omarosa presents, Transylvania.
Eminem and the streets of Detroit (west side of the track tour).
Charlene Wells hosts a tour of historic downtown Salt Lake City and the Golden Spike Monument.
Richard Simmons presents "Jazzin' on a trolley car! An interactive, sweat burning tour of San Fransisco".
Dolly Parton's - The air is filled with gold dust tour of the Appalachians (don't read too closely...there is no boob joke here - OK maybe a little one).
Enrique Iglesias hosts the "Everything is sexier in Latin America" tour.

Chuck Norris - well, let's face it. Where wouldn't you go with Chuck Norris. If you are unaware of how cool Chick Norris is, check out this website.