I love to mock my local paper! However, I can't really hold "The Sun Advocate" responsible for the crazies who take out strange personal ads. This one made me laugh. I'm sure his phone is ringing off the hook! Look out ladies!
Desperate, old, unambitious and single LDS Dad seeking non-fat, 30 to 40-something year old woman who loves the outdoors, sappy music and doesn't mind poor spelling, indifference, the occassional use of words like "eldest" in everyday conversation, and loads of credit card debt in a BFF or possible husband who has a decent body but a face like a dropped pie. PS: I need a mom for my kids and don't mind if you have some too.
OK, I'm not sure if that ad was really any shorter than the original but it was a fun rewrite.