Monday, January 25, 2010

a little allegory on life

Once close, but not quite good enough!

Friday, January 22, 2010

is it really that bad?

I was tired of my tangled drawer of necklaces, so in a rare creative moment, I made this! I used an old frame from the basement, covered buttons and some beautiful fabric from Mrs. Guppy's. I was a happy girl. I loved getting some of my jewelry out of the reach of my children and in a spot where I could quickly grab what I wanted. It felt good to get my creative juices going and actually finish something. Yeah for me! Well, my enthusiam over this project was quickly swallowed up when Dave returned home.

He said that my lovely creation belonged in a Lesbian Master Bedroom. What? I explained that this level of craftiness would be wasted on most lesbians...even the non butch ones, but still he persisted. Dave's protest was mainly with the location. According to Dave, any place where a MAN might want to sleep or lie in bed and look at this on the wall was the wrong one. In my defense, I hung this behind the door into our room, so it wouldn't be prominently on display (after all these necklaces are no treasures...mostly buy one get one 1/2 off at Maurices), but I'm afraid any amount of "craft" is too much for my Dave. I have complied with nearly all of his craft paranoia. The walls of our home bear no witty catch phrases. I don't do toll painting or make him use his router to cut out hundreds of wooden easter eggs or witch hats or stockings. There are no dried flower sprays with rafia bows on our mantle. I have nothing that is bedazzled, or covered in buttons or ribbon. Our home is a Martha Stewart wasteland of sorts.

I think I will make something new to annoy him. Maybe a cute, fabric cover for his gun safe or some kind of a wooden animal to hang on our bathroom wall with a pouch for his toothbrush and razor.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

it's a nacho world....and we're just living in it

First of all, I pray this picture is not of a real human being. Secondly, sorry about any nightmares it might cause.

Anyway...the term nacho is one that I hold dear to my heart. I first heard it used by my little sis to refer to someone's enjoyably fake hair. Let me explain. If a lady comes walking by with a giant wad of non hair stuck to her head in some's nacho hair. It', or more precisely! Nacho hair can take the form of a weave, a wig, a clip on ponytail, spray on color for bald men, or even a bump it. Anything that you attempt to make look like hair, but is not hair...that's nacho hair.

Lately I've been using nacho to refer to other fake phenomenons. I'm surprised how often the term can be applied. Nacho boobs, nacho eyelashes, nacho hair color, nacho fingernails, nacho lips, nacho body (Spanx). I'm not much of a nacho girl (mostly out of laziness) not that there is anything wrong with it. I do, however, have a nacho tooth. A little porcelain tooth that covers one of my teeth that God meant to give to a wolverine. This undersized, pointy fang was thankfully and compassionately covered up during my years of teenage angst. I haven't missed it. It's got me thinking, though, about what parts of me are really me and what are just...well not. I believe I will die, and someday get my body back. Am I going to get to keep my Nacho tooth? Or will I be back to looking like a feline? I am told I inherited this tooth from my Grandma Bingham. I think she would enjoy a shiny, new nacho tooth as would all of our progenitors who painfully carried the pointed tooth up the family tree. What about everyone's beautiful, straight teeth thanks to braces? Do we get to keep the alignement or will the choirs in heaven be filled with a bunch of snaggle teeth? You would think God would let Dentristy continue, or those"problems" would just be done away with. Certainly there will not be a need for plastic surgeons, so that's gonna be a bummer for a few husbands out there. But where will the line be drawn? Anyway, these are the workings of my delinquent brain....things that keep me up for a minute or two at night, until I take out my bump it, climb under the covers and fall asleep!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

birthday bonanza (light on content...heavy on pictures)

Hooray! it is with great relief and a little sigh of joy that i can say...all the birthdays are over! Jacob is 5, Edison is 3, Saren is 1 and I am timeless and suspiciously pale skinned. We have had lots of parties and cakes and gifts exchanged in the last few weeks.

Jacob woke up the day after Christmas and said "I can't believe it's my birthday TODAY!" I had to agree. We had a quiet, little birthday lunch at Chucky Cheese. Jacob may have a future as a skee ball olympian.
Then, off to Grandma Nelson's house for more Christmas partying. Jacob made this cute face when we sang to him.

We had the annual Christmas "gift" (I use that word loosely) exchange...

...and a fun, new tradition - ghetto pinata!

On to Edison. In the mother of all random requests, Eddie had his little heart set on a "Master Crane" cake. I know, right? Could you pick any character more annoyingly obscure? Templeton maybe? Master Crane is a character from "Kung Fu Panda", although in Crane's defense he is surprisingly Bad A. I tried to dissuade Eddie by describing a cool a "Hot Wheels"cake. He would have none of that. Master Crane could not be moved from Eddie's Kung Fu grip. And so, I made this sorry cake. The picture doesn't do it was much uglier in real life. It was the best I could do. Ace of Cakes, I'm sorry.

Eddie tried his best not to like it, as he is determined to be contrary at all times, but I know he was excited. Edison spent the rest of the day trying to keep Jacob from running off with his birthday gifts and the rest of the week singing "Happy Birthday to Eddie" with me so he could re-enact blowing out the candles. He has grown up a lot since last year, when the fire on his birthday cake sent him into a terrified cry.

Saren was her laid back self. "Ok, let's go out for dinner! Presents...sure I'll rip the paper off. Everyone is singing to me...I'll smile. Cake...yeah I'll eat some. You want this new toy Eddie? Here you go!".

Jacob spent much of the afternoon making little gift tags for all of Saren's presents and taping them in place.
I can't believe she is 1!
Since Saren hated this (being stuffed in a gift bag), we didn't repeat it on her birthday. This picture cracks me up.

And I went on a date with Dave for my birthday. So wierd and lovely to be alone. It was fun anticipating a night out all week, I only wish I would have had time for primping like I used to before a date. But I wear my hair much smaller these days and I have forgotten how to fix it anyway.