Tuesday, January 19, 2010

it's a nacho world....and we're just living in it

First of all, I pray this picture is not of a real human being. Secondly, sorry about any nightmares it might cause.

Anyway...the term nacho is one that I hold dear to my heart. I first heard it used by my little sis to refer to someone's enjoyably fake hair. Let me explain. If a lady comes walking by with a giant wad of non hair stuck to her head in some fashion...it's nacho hair. It's.....not....your....hair, or more precisely not...cho...hair! Nacho hair can take the form of a weave, a wig, a clip on ponytail, spray on color for bald men, or even a bump it. Anything that you attempt to make look like hair, but is not hair...that's nacho hair.

Lately I've been using nacho to refer to other fake phenomenons. I'm surprised how often the term can be applied. Nacho boobs, nacho eyelashes, nacho hair color, nacho fingernails, nacho lips, nacho body (Spanx). I'm not much of a nacho girl (mostly out of laziness) not that there is anything wrong with it. I do, however, have a nacho tooth. A little porcelain tooth that covers one of my teeth that God meant to give to a wolverine. This undersized, pointy fang was thankfully and compassionately covered up during my years of teenage angst. I haven't missed it. It's got me thinking, though, about what parts of me are really me and what are just...well not. I believe I will die, and someday get my body back. Am I going to get to keep my Nacho tooth? Or will I be back to looking like a feline? I am told I inherited this tooth from my Grandma Bingham. I think she would enjoy a shiny, new nacho tooth as well....as would all of our progenitors who painfully carried the pointed tooth up the family tree. What about everyone's beautiful, straight teeth thanks to braces? Do we get to keep the alignement or will the choirs in heaven be filled with a bunch of snaggle teeth? You would think God would let Dentristy continue, or those"problems" would just be done away with. Certainly there will not be a need for plastic surgeons, so that's gonna be a bummer for a few husbands out there. But where will the line be drawn? Anyway, these are the workings of my delinquent brain....things that keep me up for a minute or two at night, until I take out my bump it, climb under the covers and fall asleep!

6 comments:

Beccy said...

If you really wear a bump it I will slap you.

Julie said...

I'm not much of a nacho girl either (probably for the same reasons you are not) and I totally had to Google 'Bump It'. I had not a clue. Thanks for making me laugh.

Lori said...

You are hilarious! Man, I hope I get to keep my Nacho Teeth too:)

bids2calvin said...

What about my nose tooth? Will it return to my nasal cavity? Or will it be in it's current location where the braces placed it? Oh, and what about my not so naturally blond hair? I'd like to keep that too. Do we have to keep our moles? I think we should get to pick and choose. It is heaven after all.

Unknown said...

I'm just hoping for caffeine-free diet Coke in heaven. I'm sure Josh will feel the same way, even though he would want to do away with the caffeine-free part. Your blog gave lots of food for thought. Hope you all remember how cute your dad was in his prime. A little skinny perhaps, but pretty cute. Looked a lot like Richard does now.

Lori said...

Eleanor saw the photo on this post and said, in her super concerned voice, "Oh, da-ma (grandma) sad!"