In my extreme fatigue recently, I attempted to cook a turkey for dinner. I wanted to take a picture because it looked so delicious, OK I mean vulgar. The picture does not do it justice, it was truely awful and perverse looking. To achieve this kind of oven roasted turkey delight, repeat the following steps.
1) Put your turkey in the pan upside down.
2) Forget that your turkey is cooking, take your family out to dinner to ensure it cooks way too long and that the drippings all burn and adhere themselves to the pan.
3) Eventually remove the turkey from the oven (no specifics involved).
4) Do not acknowledge the fact that the cooked turkey is upside down and attempt to cut along the "breastbone" which won't work. Eventually, after enough attempts, the cooked meat will explode out of the bottom (which is the top) of the turkey onto the burnt pan.
5) Go to bed and leave the turkey to "marinate" in it's own nastiness until the next day.
6) Take a picture
Voila! You too can walk past this obscene, spread eagled mess of poultry in your own kitchen. You don't even need a convection oven.
3 comments:
I'm glad you finally posted this... I was waiting anxiously for it! And by the way, that really is horrid!
Why can't I click the photo for a close up of this lovely fowl? I imagine it might be as appealing as the close-up of Jared's leg leeches.
Family dinner at your house? Oven roasted turkey?
You have got to be kidding! I'm very grateful that you went out to dinner. Did you have to destroy the poor pan?
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